The 8th “So Bad, It’s Good” Blogathon–Batman & Robin (1997)

What makes a good bad movie? For me, it’s simple. An objectively bad movie has to be entertaining. A lot of my favorite good bad movies are extremely campy. Campy films often contain a lot of theatrics and over the top aesthetics. One of my favorite campy films is Valley of the Dolls (1967). Everything in that film is over the top: the sets, the production, the melodrama, and the performances. Patty Duke snarling “Sparkle, Neely, Sparkle” is everything to me. Another of my favorite over the top camp classics is Barbarella (1968) where Jane Fonda travels through space in her ship, complete with floor to ceiling shag carpeting. The production design is out of this world (pardon the pun) as are Fonda’s costumes.

While Valley of the Dolls and Barbarella were “camping up” the theaters in the mid-late 1960s, a camp classic was airing on television–Batman starring Adam West as the Caped Crusader, along with Burt Ward as the “Holy Boy Wonder, Batman” and the ever rotating roster of villains: the Joker (Cesar Romero), the Penguin (Burgess Meredith), Catwoman (Julie Newmar and Eartha Kitt), and the Riddler (Frank Gorshin), to name a few. Appearing as a villain on Batman was a hot commodity in the 1960s–every star wanted the job. The Batman television show is incredibly cheesy with Robin’s constant “Holy [insert thing here] Batman,” all the Bat-gadgets, the slanted photography for the villain scenes, the onomatopoeia Pow! Kapow! type phrases populating the screen during fight scenes…the list goes on. Batman did have a fantastic theme song (Na na na na na na BATMAN!)

In the late 1980s, director Tim Burton brought Batman back to the movie screens–except he didn’t want to follow in the campy footsteps of the 1960s Batman. His version starred Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson as Batman and the Joker, respectively. The film has a decidedly darker tone than the 1960s television show, albeit Nicholson is given some wacky scenes to play after he is disfigured and becomes the Joker. Burton and Keaton were back in 1992 with Batman Returns, this time bringing Danny DeVito and Michelle Pfeiffer in as the Penguin and Catwoman. The darker tone remained.

After Batman Returns failed to turn as large of a profit as Batman due to it being deemed too dark and scary for children (though I saw it in the theater in 1992 at the age of 8), Warner Brothers decided they wanted the series to move in a different direction. This “different direction” saw the removal of Burton and the entrance of Joel Schumacher. Michael Keaton also declined to return as he was not interested in appearing in this new interpretation of Batman. Schumacher used the 1960s Batman as one of his main influences for the reimagining of the series.

Batman Forever was released in 1995 with Val Kilmer as Bruce Wayne/Batman. Dick Grayson/Robin was introduced in this installment with Chris O’Donnell in the role. Nicole Kidman played Batman’s love interest, Dr. Chase Meridian. The villains were Tommy Lee Jones as Harvey Dent/Two-Face and Jim Carrey as Edward Nigma/The Riddler. I also saw Batman Forever in the theater and I just saw it again in the theater last year for the film’s 30th anniversary. I have to say that this film is so over the top, but Carrey is incredibly entertaining. I actually really like this movie. Batman Forever was a huge hit, so obviously a sequel was coming.

It took me too long to get to this point, but here we go. The fourth film in the series, Batman & Robin, was released in 1997. This installment in the series is famously known as the one featuring the Batsuit with nipples. The film starred George Clooney (then a star on ER and was looking to make his transition to film) as Bruce Wayne/Batman. Chris O’Donnell returns as Dick Grayson/Robin. Clueless star, Alicia Silverstone plays Barbara Wilson/Batgirl. The villains are Arnold Schwarzenegger as Dr. Victor Fries/Mr. Freeze and Uma Thurman as Dr. Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy. I also saw Batman & Robin in the theater and hadn’t watched it since–until last night when I watched it again. Oof. This film is terrible, but also incredibly funny and entertaining because it’s so bad. Going into the film, the only thing I could remember from my original watch was that at one point, Robin was wearing fake lips. Then I started questioning myself: Am I hallucinating? Did that really happen? It seems so stupid. But then, the film started and I realized that this film is just stupid enough that Robin wearing fake lips seems like the most realistic thing that could happen in this film.

Right off the “bat” (pardon the pun as there are a lot of them in Batman & Robin), the opening sequence is already making the audience laugh. Close-ups of Batman’s butt and crotch are shown repeatedly as he suits up to fight crime in Gotham City. In Batman Forever, there was a shot of Val Kilmer’s butt in the Batman costume, but for some reason in the context of that film, it was funny. In Batman & Robin however, it seems almost gratuitous and unnecessary. Even worse, we have to endure the same shots with Robin’s butt and later Batgirl’s. Enough already, Schumacher.

Within minutes of the film’s start, it becomes glaringly obvious that the Batman & Robin script is terrible. I can’t believe that stars of Clooney or Thurman’s stature would read this and think “this sounds great.” Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy only speak in one-liner ice or plant puns. The opening action sequence with Batman and Robin starts with Robin repeating Batman’s funny line from Batman Forever when he says “Chicks dig the car.” Robin, it was funny when Kilmer’s Batman said it. It was not funny when you said it, because you are annoying.

Here are some hilariously awful Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy quotes:

(Do your best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression when imagining Mr. Freeze saying these things. It makes it even funnier)

MR. FREEZE: What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!

MR. FREEZE: Let’s kick some ice!

MR. FREEZE: Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well, for it’s the chilling sound of your doom.

MR. FREEZE: Mercy? I’m afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.

MR. FREEZE: Freeze in hell, Batman!

POISON IVY: ‘Cause it’s not nice to fool Mother Nature (because when they’re not speaking in one-liner puns, they’re using commercial slogans)

POISON IVY: There’s just something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl’s lips.

POISON IVY: Come join me. My garden needs tending.

POISON IVY: Some lucky boy’s about to hit the honey pot.

Honorable Mention to this exchange between ROBIN and POISON IVY:

ROBIN: Is your thumb the only part of you that’s green?

POISON IVY: You will just have to find out!

ROBIN: I want us to be together but, I also wanna make sure you’re serious about turning over a new leaf… I need a sign.

POISON IVY: How about “Slippery When Wet” ?

To their credit, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman seem to be having fun with their roles, especially Thurman. Their scenes, complete with the terrible pun-laden dialogue are the reason to watch this film. I can’t say the same for the heroes of the film. Clooney looks like he’s regretting every moment of his life leading to his participation in the film. He is a good actor, but that’s not apparent in this film. Chris O’Donnell is incredibly irritating as Robin. Robin will just not quit whining to Batman about not being allowed to do things on his own and being seen as an equal partner. It’s obvious why the planned Robin/Nightwing sequel with O’Donnell was never made. There are some hackneyed scenes that seem to repeat over and over throughout the film with Batman trying to offer some sort of wisdom and lessons to Robin, but they just seem lame and contrived.

The scenes with Batgirl are even worse. I love Alicia Silverstone in Clueless and Blast From the Past, but she is out of her element in an action film. The scene with Batgirl trying to intimidate Poison Ivy with trash talk is laughable and absurd. Batgirl’s trash talk scene would have been the perfect place in the script to insert some plant puns. Batgirl could have said something like “Time to weed the garden” or “I’ll give you a ‘Round-Up’ kick to the face” or something. In Clueless, Silverstone showed that she could deliver sass or trash talk to Paul Rudd, but that’s because she has a good script. Batman & Robin has an awful script, so she’s left with lame trash talk accusing Poison Ivy of setting back feminism. Batgirl and Poison Ivy’s fight scene looks like it was done in slow motion. I would have loved to have seen Poison Ivy fight Mr. Freeze. The film also inexplicably changes Batgirl’s character from Commissioner Gordon’s daughter to Alfred’s niece! I’m sure this was done out of convenience so it would explain why Batgirl is staying at Wayne Manor.

Making matters even worse is that Batgirl is more or less a copy of Robin from Batman Forever. She even has the same tragic orphan storyline that both Batman and Robin have. She randomly likes to steal Robin’s motorcycle at night to enter races against rough characters in the city. Nothing about Batgirl even hints at her being a “bad girl.” Even worse is that the film tries to make the claim that Batgirl is a computer genius. However, the only attempt that the film makes to show her computer genius is a scene of her trying to guess Alfred’s computer password by looking around his room for ideas. That is not the sign of a computer genius. They should have shown her creating some hacking device, entering a DOS command to bypass the password screen, or inserting some sort of disk to download data, something more clever. The film also uses some poor CGI to project the computer screen onto Batgirl’s face, which would not happen. The film also tries to make Robin and Batgirl seem like they’re going to become romantically involved, but the two seem to hate each other–maybe because they’re too much alike. There really is no point to the Batgirl character in this film.

However, I don’t want to completely dump all over Alicia Silverstone in this film. It’s not her fault that the script is so bad. I remember the magazines and tabloids being so cruel to Silverstone during the film’s production and theatrical release. There were countless horrible headlines dubbing her “Fatgirl” which is so off the mark it’s laughable. There is not a single moment in Batman & Robin where Silverstone is even remotely close to looking fat. No wonder “heroin chic” was a popular look in the 90s.

Despite my article completely ragging on Batman & Robin for being so awful, it is also entertaining because it’s so awful. The script is horrendous. It might be the worst script ever produced. If it’s not *the* worst, it’s up there. The film’s special effects are also terrible, even for the 90s. Mr. Freeze’s blue freeze rays reminded me of Vincent Price and Boris Karloff’s magic fight in the 1963 version of The Raven. Mr. Freeze also has an amazing moment where I empathized with him when he freezes a guy for talking during a movie. I loved when Batgirl “wins” the fight against Poison Ivy by knocking her into a large, carnivorous plant. This film is entertaining for the bad script full of plant and ice puns and commercial slogans, as well as the weak attempts at trash talking and for Robin’s fake mouth. Did I mention that the script sucks?